Our son more attached to me than his mother; He always wanted to eat from my hands He was sleeping on my chest; even he slept with his mother in the morning when we got up he always with me in my... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
She Knew Very well how to harass me; If she do not get whatever she wanted; then she started to things which are irritating me; When I watch TV, suddenly changing channel Wasting water, as we were... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
After 2 years of marriage we went to her native place Church fest; As my mother is from same parish I also knew many people from her place. After mass I was standing with some of my friends and she... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
Once I was returning from Office; I met my neighbor on the way near our home. He asked me, where i`m coming from, I said Office; He said, he saw me afternoon at our door step, thinking I took off... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
Whenever I went to her relatives house, I used to take Cold drinks or Pepsi which she did`t liked as all of her relatives insulting me for drinking soft drinks as all of them where heavy drinkers.... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
Who am i…? I asked myself…. Frist of all, I`m an Indian citizen; A man; This much is enough to be a Victim of Dowry Law (IPC 498A)? No need to be Indian citizen, you can be anyone, who... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
I was born in Bombay but raised in Karkala a small town, 50 KM away from Mangalore, and passed Collage Degree from Mangalore University. I am the middle one of 3 Children; we do not have sisters,... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
My Missing Rib; It was Arranged marriage, My Mother sister told she knew them very well; so we did not checked anything about her. Here is bit Details about her. She was born in Udipi but Raised in... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
After our Engagement she and her Family came to my native home; I took her to our Farm to show around. At that time, I asked many things about her; that was the 1st time we met and talked together. I... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
Why I`m Dowry Law Victim. All Over world, governments make laws to punish Crimnals,and Law breakers; But in india, its a business to creat job opertunities for lawyers, Only Law to trap Innocent; Its... Legal terrorism in india to empower women
Carat is specifically a measure of a diamond’s weight, and by itself may not accurately reflect a diamond’s size. We tend to evaluate diamond size by viewing it from the top because... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
Kloxo is a light-weight control panel that is both memory friendly(Need Apache reconfigure) and powerful. It has all the features included in all leading control panels, and you can easily configure... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
These are few last know 5 Alphabet .com (dot com) Domain names waiting to be registered. May be some are already booked after i posted this page. As most of the 4 or less alpha/digit names are... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
Procedure in India: You need marriage certificate / Birth Certificate (original) Notorised then Attested by State and Ministry of External Affiars Delhi, then Kuwait embassy in Delhi , (Travel agent... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
I Have a FORUM built with bbpress (wordpress), at that time my total visitors may be around 1,00,000 per month; but as soon as i hosted BBpress, visitor count jumped 3 times of pre BBpress; and also... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
Few Months back there was a news that Some Actor from Kerala built environmentally friendly house worth 2 CRORE. but when you visit that house, you will find beautiful Wooden door Frames and Carved... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
If you search YouTube for the word FREE ENERGY, you will get plenty of videos on the subject. Some may be fake but there is truth in many of the videos. Magnetic power Permanent magnet motor... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
I have seen many countries FREE to Air TV channels, but most of them are totally commercialized. They show variety of programs but in 30 minutes of duration 20 minutes shows only Advertisements only.... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
The Boeing 777-200 Flight MH370 from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing with 227 passengers, including two infants, from 14 different nationalities and 12 crew members disappeared at 0240 local time (23:10 IST)... Want to know the truth and express your views ?
Kind Attn.: Hon’ble Justice J.S. Verma Ref.: Amendments to IPC 375 / New Criminal Laws of Sexual Assault While I am preparing this Note, our Nation is filled with profound sadness, deep... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
Crime happens everywhere, criminals are there everywhere, in Rape, India stands 40th place or so, there are other countries, where women are raped more frequently than India. but no one is making... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
India boast itself as oldest Civilization and Land of Milk and honey and gave Birth to wise people like Manu, becouse Manu’s Law Codecs are considered as oldest one in the history of the World.... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
These are old mails exchanged between members of our group and their views on Wife Wants Reunion. I am reposting it as many ask me to take back their wife or not. These are our views, from men point... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
There was a feminists supported survey on men “How many men in Asia admit to rape?” The researchers from the UN Cross-sectional Study on Men and Violence surveyed about 10,000 men in a... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
AS India is notorious to make useless laws or copy outdated laws from other countries but it is also popular to show double standard in its adopted laws too. It has same law for rich and poor and... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
Why India is wasting its resources after Devyani Khobragade, when she has many wrong doing and misuse of Law, Power and abuse of Law in Foriegn Country too. Devyani Khobragade was arrested by the US... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
What Indian Women really Want ? thats a very tricky Question. If you ask same to a Indian Women, she herself do not know what she want from her Man. I asked same question in men forum group, what... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
Only way to STOP so called sexual harassment of women at work place is STOP employing them. No women employee – No sexual harassment. [ SOURCE and Here Long back i said these HOLY words from... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
Criminal is a person who commits crime against humanity, for some Gain or Pleasure; and a Person who terrorizes and takes lives of humans for his own reasons, blind beliefs and cause. This is what... Truth is out here - see how men are systamatically victimised
It may come as a real shocker to men, but hundreds of women are at this very moment furiously writing code with the intention to end the male dominance of virtual reality. These women call themselves cyberfeminists. Their agenda is to ‘demasculinise’ the internet by creating ‘friendly’ online content and purging the web of material they find offensive. Among them are university professors, graphic artists and some of the best hackers in the world. Together, they have carved out their own space with websites, webzines and weblogs, and are not above indulging in some stealth bombing to drive home their point.
Cyberfeminists believe that women must have equal access to the internet, which they regard as a tool of empowerment. But for this to happen, women must have their own online comfort zone. Cyberfeminists say that the traditional layout of cyberspace is a result of the internet’s militaristic origins in the Cold War. Because of its roots in conflict, the internet caters to the male gaze, be it pornography, hyper-sexualised representations of women in computer graphics or extremely sexist and violent online games. All this, they say, makes women feel unwelcome. Cyberfeminists intend to change the internet. Porn should be gorn, and the net should be gender-neutral, not a playground for testosterone.
The first major act of cyberfeminist subversion was in 1997. The Hamburg Art Museum had hosted an international internet art competition, the ‘first museum in the world’ to do so. Only works specifically created for the internet were considered. The museum received 280 entries but despite its curatorial expertise, it failed to detect that 200 of the entries by as many women had been submitted online by just one woman. When none of the women won any of the three prizes, the spammer came out with the truth. Cornelia Sollfrank, a German cyberfeminist artist, was making a statement about the ‘anti-women bias’ in German art.
Unbeknownst to men, three cyberfeminist internationals have been held since 1997 and a number of smaller conferences in between. At these meetings, cyberfeminists discuss abstruse subjects as the ‘post-human body’ and frame strategies to combat the digerati, the internet elite who are almost exclusively male.
The cyberfeminist is a threat to the male nerd in ways that the male nerd is not to the cyberfeminist. That’s because the cyberfeminist has ‘nothing to lose but her chains’. Unlike the technophile male nerd, the cyberfeminist is motivated by a political idea: to bring about change in a male-dominated ‘capitalist’ cybersociety through the handmaiden of high-technology.
Not surprisingly, many cyberfeminists are also cybersocialists, firmly aligning with the free-and-open-source-software movement and peer-to-peer networking. If cybersocialism sounds sci-fi, one must note that it is a real world threat to capitalism. Cybersocialists have already reduced entertainment and software firms to tears. Courtesy cybersocialists, profits of music distribution companies have plummeted and Microsoft is feeling the pinch because those who know better prefer the Firefox web browser to Explorer.
To go to the roots of cyberfeminism, one must begin at an essay published in 1985. In A Cyborg Manifesto: Science, Technology, and Socialist-Feminism in the Late Twentieth Century, Donna Haraway, a biology doctorate from Yale and currently a professor at the University of California, Santa Cruz, explained how technology was blurring distinctions between the natural and the artificial, and thus was changing gender roles. Haraway said that in a society dominated by technology, human beings were actually cyborgs, or cybernetic organisms — beings that are as much artificially constructed as they are naturally made.
She said that in a highly industrialised, medically advanced and wired world, gender would ultimately hold no meaning. That’s because any human organ, including the brain, or human characteristics can be tampered with, enhanced or changed. Haraway went a step further: not just gender, the very idea of being human would hold no meaning, with technology making it possible to construct hybrids of humans, animals and machines. It may sound fantastical, but the part-man, part-bull Minotaur of Greek myth is a creature of the future.
The main idea of cyberfeminism, deduced from Haraway’s essay, is that if humans can be designed, will there be any merit in the cliches of conventional
wisdom, that women are physically weak, inferior in mathematical ability and prone to being overemotional? Take maths. Even if there is any merit in the controversial ‘fact’ of women being worse at their sums, what difference will it make when microchips with a thousand times the calculative power of the human brain are implanted in 16-year-olds?
Sadie Plant, founder of the Cybernetic Culture Research Unit at Warwick University, says that cyberfeminism “implies an alliance between women, machinery and the new technology that women are using”. She says that “there is a longstanding relationship between information technology and women’s liberation: just as machines get more intelligent so do women get more liberated”. And on the common perception that women hate technology, she says that “girls are generally brought up to avoid interaction with technology, but in reality, women’s relationship with machines is historically more intimate than men’s”.
But how relevant is all this talk of cyberfeminism in the real grassroots world? Urvashi Butalia, feminist and historian, told TOI that at least for the third world, cyberfeminism is an elitist concept. “Moreover, though they claim to be political, cyberfeminists do not take account of politics and economic reality.” Butalia also points out that while mainstream feminism is concerned with fighting oppression and discrimination against women in the real world, cyberfeminism deals with a possible future where gender identities get blurred owing to cybernetic organisms. At present this is just a utopian vision.
“Lastly,” says Butalia, “It may be that there are some women who find their bodies oppressive and are looking forward to becoming genderless cyborgs. But most women are comfortable in their own bodies.”
But cyberfeminists parry such criticisms by claiming that there is no one definition of cyberfeminism and that it is a loose term for phenomena which had a common origin but have now found expression in myriad and complex ways. The cyberfeminist dream may come true only in utopia, but it will be poetic justice if women indeed inherit cyberspace. Men tend to forget, but the very first computer programmer was actually a woman. In 1842, Ada Lovelace wrote the code for performing a mathematical calculation on Charles Babbage’s Analytical Engine. She was the genius daughter of Lord Byron.
If United States Ambassador John Bolton fails to act,
world feminists will seize vast powers to destroy families internationally while
committing tremendous human rights violations against men, women, and children
in every country of the world.
The Secretary-General’s study on domestic violence against
women [DAW], developed under the corrupt leadership of Kofi Annan, is a much
greater threat to America than the rejected Kyoto Protocol ever was. It calls
for the establishment of a new feminist world order, possessing unilateral
powers to mindlessly destroy marriage and steal family and business assets by
teaching women how to holler “abuse”.
Everyone agrees that domestic
violence is a problem. Feminists dishonestly pretend it is entirely problem of
unruly men, buttressed by unreliable myopic surveys of women. The purpose of
this feminist approach is to achieve the primary goal of radical feminism: to
destroy marriage, seize children and family wealth, and establish the liberated
Unfounded allegations of abuse are the political
and legal vector already used in many western countries to achieve this
The senseless destruction of marriage, homes, families, and the
lives of children in western cultures has deeply violated the human rights of
everyone. It has transformed many good cities into third-world urban disasters
suffering from rampant illegitimacy, prostitution, crime, child sexual
predation, and poverty. Radicals at the United Nations wish to force their new
world order on the rest of the world.
The truth is this: women are as
likely, or even more likely than men to engage in, and initiate, domestic
violence. According to a 32-nation by Murray Straus, female-only partner
aggression is twice as prevalent as male-only partner abuse.
Even a child could see through the
rumor-mill-fed machinations of feminists. Here are a few examples:
113-page United Nations
Report admits it is based on a “lack [of] systematic and reliable data on
violence against women”. There is no evidence in the report that any information
was collected about women’s violence against men.
Without any supportive
factual foundation, the U.N. Report claims that “Violence against women persists
in every country in the world as a pervasive violation of human rights and a
major impediment to achieving gender equality”.
The U.N. Commission on
Human Rights framework
for model legislation on domestic violence is a carte-blanche vehicle
empowering feminists to violate science and human rights in every country of the
world. It defines domestic violence solely as “gender-specific violence directed
against women“, and admonishes states to “adopt the broadest possible
definitions of acts of domestic violence”.
It states, “There shall be no
restrictions on women bringing suits against spouses or live-in partners”. The
victim must be advised “of her rights as outlined below”. The responding officer
must “arrange for the removal of the offender from the home and, if that is not
possible and if the victim is in continuing danger, arrest the offender”. It
permits immediate seizure of assets, and criminal conviction on the sole basis
uncorroborated testimony by the alleged victim.
A UNPF report
alleges that two-thirds of married women in India were victims of domestic
violence, and then contradicts itself by claiming that 70 per cent of married
women in India between the age of 15 and 49 are victims of beating, rape or
coerced sex. This report also asserts that the rate of domestic violence is much
higher in Egypt with 94 per cent and Zambia with 91 per cent.
Non-Governmental Womens organizations around
the world generate volumes of narcissistic surveys about violence. These are fed
to feminists in the United Nations, whose re-sytheses are recited round-robin by
NGO’s, creating vast illusions for predatory political use.
Here are a
few examples how the revolving feminist rumor mill works:
At six of the 15 sites, over
50 percent of women had experienced a moderate to severe level of domestic
violence. The study found that rural Ethiopia had the highest rate of domestic
violence, with 71 percent of women experiencing violence in the
United Nations should be involved in ending domestic violence. The
approach must be realistic and scientifically appropriate on a
country-by-country basis. Clearly, the ideological feminist approach will harm
many women, men, and families, and be dangerous to the world. The United States
must not submit to foreign controls that lump it in the same category as
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Ambassador Bolton should
testify against acceptance of the Secretary General’s Report, and state why it
is unacceptable. President Bush should send a message that the United States
will not support the United Nations at the present level of $5.3 billion
annually, should it pursue a course of action that will clearly violate human
rights in most egalitarian countries of the world.
Total No of Complain Received by Police: 64,67,600/-
Comp. Sue Moto By Police: : 24,37,973/-
Crime Against Women : 1,55,553/-
Crime against Child : 17,975/-
Balance – Crime against Men : 22 ,64 , 445/-
In the Year 2005 the Crime Against Men, More than Twenty-two Lacks sixty Four Thousands vs One Lack fifty-five thousands against women?
% Wise All India Crime Against Men, Woemn and Child as Under :
Crime Against Women : 6.38%
Crime Against Child : 0.73%
Crime Against Men : 92.88%
The Crime Bure of India , Specially omited the specific data : Crime Aginst Men data , but they hve not forget to mentioned and effort to highlight the Crime against women data.
So the Questions is : Who is more Unsafe Indian Men or Women?
Why Crime Bure of India not highlight the real stastics honestly?
Are they under pressure ?
if so , who are all those people putting pressure to Crime Bure of India?
let wait and watch , how Indian Crime bure of India neglecting the 92.8% crime , which is happening in India and they do not want to rise the alarm.
Source : Who Is more Unsafe Indina Men or women ?
New Delhi: Indian women live in dangerously selfembracing situations and only stringent legislation like the new law on domestic violence can provide them physical, emotional and monetary protection, says Women and Child Development Minister Renuka Chowdhury.
In an exclusive interview to CNNIBNs Karan Thapar on Devils Advocate, Chowdhury justified the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act, a pathbreaking law that came into effect last month. Women live in dangerously selfembracing situations. Even if you see it as a ferocity in the act or the ambit is too wide, please understand that women are burnt to death, beaten to insensitivity.
The minister dismissed criticism that the law would be misused. Because of a minute percentage of people who misappropriate an act, are you saying I should not bring an act? I should be in denial that women are not domestically harassed, that they are not killed, removed from their homes, denied access to their children, to their own earnings and that they have no recourse to law?
She said the law is intended to set a direction for a certain societally accepted behaviour and has laid out broader parameters to tackle crimes against women.
The act seeks to protect women from all forms of domestic violence and check harassment and exploitation at the hands of family members or relatives. It came into effect on October 29.
The law is not a static issue. The law reflects the need for a society to be given direction. We have put in broad parameters and we will see in which direction the law goes, the minister added.
Countering the criticism over the clause that includes insult and ridicule as a form of violence against women, Chowdhury said: What you deem as silly is really not something Ive created today. Under the Indian Penal Code , speaking in a vein that is denigrating to the status of women, which removes her from her dignity, is very much an act under the IPC.
So I dont see what you are getting het up about today. I dont think anything that happens today in the sense of domestic violence can be termed as silly. Its overtrivialising and oversimplifying this act.
She continued: Please understand, despite all the checks, women are burnt. One in six women is raped, murdered, beaten to death, sent into mental asylums. I dont think that is funny.
When questioned about the clause that provides the divorced wives and former girlfriends the right of residence in their former husbands or partners home, Chowdhury explained: Because a woman is removed from her house she is threatened, forced, coerced and then you have an exparte divorce … I cannot accept every divorce has been examined on the merits of the case…
I am empowering my women the right to access the dignity to their life. If they have been denied justice in other fora, if they have been given an exparte divorce in their absence, if they have had no money to go and appeal in the courts and they are denied their rights and if the husband suddenly declares hes bankrupt and wont give them alimony, she added.
Watch the complete interview with Renuka Chowdhury on Devils Advocate on Sunday, 2030 hrs on CNNIBN. The transcript will be available on IBNLive.com
Watch the complete interview with Renuka
Chowdhury on Devils Advocate on Sunday, 2030 hrs on CNNIBN. The transcript will be available on IBNLive.com
Kanpur: A Wipro employee’s wife has dropped the names of company chief Azim Premji and a senior executive from a domestic violence suit she has filed her against husband but says she is suing them for ruining her marriage.
Tripti Nigam’s lawyer Nandlal Jaiswal said she would file a separate case against Premji and Wipro for allegedly providing a ‘dating allowance’ to her husband Gaurav Nigam. Wipro has denied that it pays any such allowance to its employees.
Tripti had created a flutter by naming Premji and Wipro Vice President Pratik Kumar in her case, in which she had alleged Gaurav had abandoned her because the firm paid him a ‘dating allowance’.
Jaiswal said since the names of direct relations alone could be included in a case under the new domestic violence law, the names of Premji and Kumar were withdrawn on technical grounds. But Gaurav’s name still remained in the complaint.
Gaurav’s wife Tripti submitted an application to the Chief Metropolitan Magistrate, asking him to permit her to withdraw the names of Premji and Kumar from the case. This was accepted by the court. The court fixed December 13 as the next date for hearing the matter. Gaurav was present in the court and sought copies of the papers filed by Tripti.
Jaiswal said a separate case about Wipro allegedly providing a ‘dating allowance’ to Gaurav would be filed against Premji and Kumar in another court.
In the wake of Tripti’s allegations, software major Wipro had said on Friday, “We would like to categorically state we don’t have a dating allowance in any form and hence cannot elaborate on this alleged issue.”
Gaurav, a software engineer with the Bangalore-based IT giant, had on Saturday rejected Tripti’s allegations at a press conference. ”I was never paid any dating allowance. In fact, my wife Tripti used to beat me a lot. She would pressurise me to transfer the ownership of the house and the car into her name and when I would refuse, she would beat me,” he said.
He alleged that on one such occasion, Tripti had left him and gone back to her parents house from where she filed a dowry complaint against him, after which his parents were arrested and sent to jail for three days ‘for no fault of theirs’.
New Delhi : The Supreme Court has held that mental cruelty, continuous harassment and threat of prosecution of a husband by his wife would be a ground to grant divorce to the husband.
The court said: Cruelty can be physical or mental. If from the conduct of his spouse, the same is established and/or an inference can be legitimately drawn that the treatment of the spouse is such that it causes an apprehension in the mind of the other spouse, about his or her mental welfare then this conduct amounts to cruelty. In delicate human relationship like matrimony, one has to see the probabilities of the case.
Giving this ruling on Wednesday, a Bench, comprising Justice Arijit Pasayat and Justice Dalveer Bhandari, said the Court dealing with the petition for divorce on the ground of cruelty has to bear in mind that the problems before it are those of human beings and the psychological changes in a spouses conduct have to be borne in mind before disposing of the petition for divorce.
Should be grave
Writing the judgment Justice Pasayat said to constitute cruelty, the conduct complained of should be grave and weighty so as to come to the conclusion that the petitioner spouse cannot be reasonably expected to live with the other spouse. It must be something more serious than ordinary wear and tear of married life. It is difficult to lay down a precise definition or to give exhaustive description of the circumstances, which would constitute cruelty. It must be of the type as to satisfy the conscience of the Court that the relationship between the parties had deteriorated to such an extent due to the conduct of the other spouse that it would be impossible for them to live together without mental agony, torture or distress, to entitle the complaining spouse to secure divorce.
The Bench said It has to be seen whether the conduct was such that no reasonable person would tolerate it. It has to be considered whether the complainant should be called upon to endure as a part of normal human life. Every matrimonial conduct, which may cause annoyance to the other, may not amount to cruelty. Mere trivial irritations, quarrels between spouses, which happen in day-to-day married life, may also not amount to cruelty. Cruelty in matrimonial life may be of unfounded variety, which can be subtle or brutal. It may be words, gestures or by mere silence, violent or non-violent.
The Judges said the foundation of a sound marriage is tolerance, adjustment and respecting one another. Tolerance to each others fault to a certain bearable extent has to be inherent in every marriage. Petty quibbles, trifling differences should not be exaggerated and magnified to destroy what is said to have been made in heaven. A too technical and hypersensitive approach would be counter-productive to the institution of marriage. The Courts do not have to deal with ideal husbands and ideal wives. It has to deal with particular man and woman before it.
The Bench was dismissing an appeal filed by Mrs. Mayadevi against a judgment of the Rajasthan High Court confirming the divorce granted to her husband by the lower court.
She married Jagdish Prasad in April, 1993 and they had four children.
The husband sought divorce alleging that he was subjected to mental and physical cruelty.
He said that she did not even provide food to him or the children and used to threaten to falsely implicate him in a case of dowry demand and to kill the children and to put the blame on him and his family members. She was temperamentally very cruel and killed three children for which she was convicted.
The trial accepted the allegations and granted divorce.
For centuries in India women were treated like goddesses – or devis. Even though there was sati (suttee), with widows voluntary taking to and immolating themselves on their late husband’s funeral pyre, as devout Hindus believe, or forced to do so, as opponents of sati believe, it was purely a religious custom, that had nothing to do with women rights1. Man was the head of the family, but at home in fact he was his wife’s puppet, a situation described by the wry aside: He is the BOSS of the House – he has his wife’s permission to say so!
The worth of a civilization can be judged from the position that it gives to women. Of the several factors that justify the greatness of Hinduism’s ancient culture, one of the greatest is the honored place ascribed to women. Manu, the great law-giver, said long ago, Where women are honored there reside the gods. According to ancient Hindu scriptures, no religious rite could be performed by a man perfectly without the active participation of his wife – his wife’s participation being essential to any religious rite. Married men could perform sacred rites on the occasion of various important festivals only when accompanied by their wives. Wives are thus befittingly called ‘Ardhangani’ (better half). They are given not only important but equal position with men (Source http://www.bu.edu/wcp/Papers/Huma/HumaSing.htm by Dr. Ms. Rekha Singh of M.D.D.M. College.
The Indian Domestic Violence Act
According to the Indian Domestic Violence Act:
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over a female partner.
Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound the female partner.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender – except to males. It can happen among couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic Violence affects people of all socio-economic backgrounds and education levels.
A woman may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if her male partner:
1. Calls her names, insults her or continually criticizes her,
2. Does not trust her and acts jealous or possessive,
3. Tries to isolate her from family or friends,
4. Monitors where she goes, who she calls and who she spends time with,
5. Does not want her to work,
6. Controls finances or refuses to share money,
7. Punishes her by withholding affection,
8. Expects her to ask permission,
9. Threatens to hurt her, her children, her family or her pets,
10. Humiliates her in any way.
A woman may be in a physically abusive relationship if her male partner has ever:
1. Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
2. Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked her.
3. Abandoned her in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
4. Scared her by driving recklessly.
5. Used a weapon to threaten or hurt her.
6. Forced her to leave her home.
7. Trapped her in her home or kept her from leaving.
8. Prevented her from calling the police or seeking medical attention.
9. Hurt her children.
10. Used physical force in sexual situations.
And also… a woman may be in a sexually abusive relationship if her partner:
1. Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
2. Accuses her of cheating or is often jealous of her outside relationships.
3. Wants her to dress in a sexual way.
4. Insults her in sexual ways or calls her sexual names.
5. Has ever forced or manipulated her into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
6. Held her down during sex.
7. Demanded sex when she were sick, tired or after beating her
8. Hurt her with weapons or objects during sex.
9. Involved other people in sexual activities with her
10. Ignored her feelings regarding sex.
By contrast, the Indian Domestic Violence Act specifically and clearly exculpates women from being prosecuted as the principal accused of Domestic Violence, excepting mothers, sisters, etc. of the accused man being prosecuted as abettors etc., and also specifically provides that the prescribed reliefs, such as maintenance, restraining orders, can be obtained ONLY by a woman and NEVER against a woman!
These rules which are set out in the Indian Domestic Violence are totally biased, and work, not to protect the institution of marriage and families, but to break marriages and families, giving ample opportunities for misuse, with no remedial measures provided for.
Together with the so-called Section 498 (A) of the Indian Penal Code and the associated amendment to the Evidence Act, these legislations have resulted in widespread misuse and social malaise. Additionally, under these legislations, the indirect sufferers will be women in majority of the cases, as daughters-in-law file case against husbands, mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.
Homes and relationships cannot be run by State terrorism and force. Money can’t make any one happy, otherwise, no one would have yearned for family and friends and children.
Women can not both obtain relief and also retain relationships by taking recourse to these legislations, a fact that should be fully understood by one and all. The relationship between men and women is by heart and voluntary, otherwise, it results in prostitution.
What this Act really mean…
According to these legislations, the following is a list of women’s rights:
The right to control and subjugate the male partner
The right to publicly humiliate and physically abuse the male partner and his entire family
The right to divest the male partner of all his money and property
The right to send the male partner and his entire family to jail on her whims and fancies
The right to force the male partner to be a slave to her family
The right to kick out the male partner from HIS house at her will
The right to commit adultery (and send the male partner to jail if he dares object)
The right to kill an unborn child regardless of the male’s partner’s wishes
The right to have all rights and no responsibilities
The Main reasons Modern Women file Police Complaints under these legislations:
She is possessive and suspicious
She is self-centered and feels the need to dominate the relationship and every aspect of decision-making
She is used to living beyond her means
She came from a middle class Family and married a man who was wealthier than herself
She has some political connections
She is a control freak
Her father is hen-pecked and her mother dominates her family
She listens to and acts in accordance with her parents’ wishes at all times
She lacks discretion in dealing with her married life
She wants to alienate her husband’s affection from his parents and siblings
She wishes her husband to commit the crime of abandoning his aged parents
She is hypersensitive
She opposes every word of her husband, his parents, siblings, etc.
She wishes to blackmail and intimidate her husband, his parents and siblings to fulfill her unreasonable demands
She does not wish to adjust to or with the husband’s family or take on any domestic responsibilities.
She is suffering from pre-existing mental problems
Real Statistics on Domestic violence:
One of the most pervasive myths of our society is that domestic violence is something men do to women. Solid scientific research reveals that domestic violence is something women do to men more frequently than men do to women.
While it is true that men account for most violence outside the home, women instigate most domestic violence and they injure men more frequently and more severely.
The Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, under grants from the National Institute of Mental Health, recently finished the last of three national studies on domestic violence. The first two studies revealed results similar to the latest study. Anyone who would like a copy of it may order it from the University of New Hampshire (ask for Document V55). The data tape and documentation of the 1975 and 1985 studies are available from the Interuniversity Consortium For Political and Social Research at the University of Michingan.
Original data is also available on CD-ROM from Sociometrics, Inc. in Palo Alto, CA.
The average results in the ‘severe assault’ category are reported below:
* Wives report they have been severely assaulted by husband 22 per 1000
* Wives report they have severely assaulted husband 59 per 1000
* Husbands report they have been severely assaulted by wives 32 per 1000
* Husbands report they have severely assaulted wives 18 per 1000
* Husbands and wives both report wife has been assaulted 20 per 1000
* Husbands and wives both report husband has been assaulted 44 per 1000
There are dozens of other studies that reveal similar findings. For instance:
* Women are three times more likely than men to use weapons in domestic violence.
* Women initiate most incidents of domestic violence.
* Women commit most child abuse and elder abuse.
* Women hit their male children more frequently and more severely than they hit their female children.
* Women commit most child murders and 64PerCent of their victims are male children.
* When women murder adults, the majority of their victims are men.
* Women commit 50PerCent of spousal murders.
* Eighty-two per cent of all people have their first experience of violence at the hands of a woman.
Wives report they have been severely assaulted by husband 22 per 1000 (Vs 59PerCent)
What the dirty, overfed and corrupt politicians and misguided women in various forums and organizations are doing is causing widespread damage to India’s social fabric.
We have almost reached the point of no return. Men are being forced to remain in marriage – once entered – under threat of law. This is sickening. Instead of making divorce easy and simple and time bound these politicians enact more and more laws to intimidate people and fool women and men alike.
Once a relationship is broken it will result into divorce. There is no point in trying to save it and that too by force and threat of police arrest. There has been wholesale abuse of women’s laws as much as 90PerCent cases in case of 498A and other dowry laws.
But in fact I know of several women whose jewellery and other effects are in custody of brother-in-laws and ex-husbands and nothing is done by police or courts. They don’t even bother to listen about it. The whole system in India is corrupt and fraudulent. These laws are merely for terrorizing and harassing and in order to provide opportunity to policemen and government employees to extort money.
Genuine cases are never taken up by police or courts. They invariably act on false cases.
Whenever special laws are enacted the procedure and definitions should be very clear and goals of law should be clear. These should have built-in safety and higher punishment for abuse of law and making false complaints. Policemen should also be prosecuted for false action. Unless this is done, Indian society is headed for severe crisis, unrest and breakages of homes and ultimately women will be the largest sufferers.
The situation is such that I would advice youth not to marry if they can avoid it. A new set up will have to be evolved in society till these corrupt and brainless people in power learn lessons and withdraw all foolish and mala fide laws enacted including reservations.
Just imagine – a boy marries a girl and marriage lasts for a few weeks but he has to provide her a home, money and maintenance for her whole life and also face charges against 498A and 406 and etc laws. He can’t sell his house any more without consent of that woman. It is sheer ridiculous and contradictory to many other basic laws and principles of the Constitution. Would it be advisable to go for marriage in India anymore? Marrying is now a very risky and costly act.
In fact what happens in most urban disputes is the incompatibility and intolerance by the bride towards the groom’s family and the wife’s insistence on living separately. Relations sour and reach breaking point, which is when the whole act of vendetta and State Terrorism begins. Go to police file a complaint under Section 498(A) without any evidence, facts or prima facie reason. Now she will go to court lodging a complaint under the so-called D.V. Act. The DV act provisions are nothing but outright foolish, absurd, illogical and exist to perpetrate Sate Terrorism and blackmail only. How such law can be passed in any democratic society ?
It is time people stop marrying like in USA and many other western countries. There appears to be a sinister plot to finish Indian society and its family unit and thus India’s advantage.
People should write to the Ministry of Law, the President and to the Chief Justice of India (CJI) to withdraw these illegal legislations immediately and arrest the members of the National Commission for Women (NCW) for injuring the commonwealth.
This boneless and corrupt person working as prime minister should immediately resign. He should be ashamed for all his failures and for dividing society by intense reservations and bringing in several silly and idiotic laws never heard before.
People should not sit quiet. People have to rise when unreasonabelity reaches its peak. That is what Krishna preached and all great leaders in world preached. Don’t suffer in silence. Demand action against these boneless and corrupt politicians and take them on. They won’t listen to the calls of logic and voices of sanity. They are totally blinded by lure of vote banks and making wealth. Today Indians are playing into the hands of western powers with full abandon. And the leftists though they call themselves leftist are actually supporting all these anti-social acts as they are also making huge amount of money
In India for centuries until the mid-twentieth centuries women were not granted permission to engage in economic activities. They were made to be an economic burden on some man – their fathers, brothers, husbands, sons, etc.
As a result, the dowry system was fashioned and observed by many communities on the principle that it was unfair to place a woman’s entire economic burden on the husband.
As the twentieth century progressed the hurdles towards women participating in the economic activity were gradually eliminated and by the 21st century the hurdles have been more or less removed in most sections of Indian society. Strictly speaking, now that women, by and large are economically independent, there is no longer any need for her to be dependent on a man.
However it is being seen that the Courts still treat women as Abla Naari needing financial assistance from some male, mostly her husband. Given the current social scenario, it now becomes imperative that women be weaned away from this dependency on income earned by the husband’s sweat. There is no longer any need to demand financial assistance from husbands to live their lives.
The Hindu Marriage Act (HMA) also clearly states that when a woman has access to independent income then she is not entitled to financial assistance in form of maintenance or alimony.
Unfortunately financially independent women are still misusing the maintenance laws (Section 125 of the Criminal Procedure Code) and Section 24 of HMA to demand financial settlements as maintenance.
Most of the contemporary pro-feminist legislations of India, dating from the 1980s, turn out to be totally one-sided, with unacceptable hidden motives and just plain wrong.
The new proposed legislation against ‘Sexual Harassment’ being pushed by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, National Commission for Women and other Femo-Fascist organizations continues with the Femo-Fascist agenda of destroying Democracy and the Principle of Equality before the law, by criminalizing all men and excluding them even from judicial powers.
Wrong 1: Constitution of the Committee:
The proposed legislation practically means:
The Committee at Parliament-level which will look into allegations of sexual harassment in Parliament will have 3 members, exclusively women, of which, one will be a professional women’s rights activist from outside the parliament.
Similarly, at the district level committee in all courts, there will be 3 members, all exclusively women, one of then being a professional women’s rights activist.
Chartered Accountants will have at every state or the union territory level, a similar committee, comprising have 3 members, exclusively women, of which, one will be a professional women’s rights activist.
Similarly for the Bar Councils, Orphanages, Charitable Homes and also for Children’s Homes
Objection: Why are men being systematically excluded from these very powerful legal commity(s)?
Are we saying that all the men in parliament are not competent, but women members are competent?
That all male Additional District Magistrates (ADMs) and Civil and Sessions Court Judges are incompetent to be part of this Committee but women judges are competent?
That all the highly educated male Charted Accountants in India not even good enough to be part of this very powerful Judicial Committee(s)?
Reason for objection: I think there are 2 persons involved, one is male and one is female. Sometimes man may find it easy to express themselves to men, and women may find it easy to express themselves to women. We should have both man and women in the committee, equality for men, if not in laws at least minimum in this very powerful judges committee. The committee should have 50PerCent men and 50PerCent women. There should not be a bar that maximum only 3 persons can be in these committees; this should be left to the establishment if they want to have more members. The committee should be headed by two equal co-chairpersons, one a male the other a female.
Wrong 2: The proposed ‘Sexual Harassment’ legislation practically means:
For most companies with more then 50 persons, medical hospitals, prison, public establishments etc., the committee should be headed by a woman and should have more then 50PerCent women members, with one woman member being a professional women’s rights activist selected by the Protection Officer under the proposed ‘Sexual Harassment Act of that district.
Reason for objection: The apparent aim is not to balance the Committee by including a few men in the committee, but to keep more then 50PerCent women and to top this, all powers are with the head of the Committee who must necessarily be a women. There is no provision that if not all members agree they can voice this in writing, and even if this is done, there is no way this will make a difference to the defendant’s case. All powers are vested with female head of the Committee. This way the men are there only for cosmetic reasons, just to make fun off by feminists (since Committee members will have no real powers), to make men feel inferior, to abuse the men committee members. This constitution of the committees is simply wrong and is unacceptable. It is evident that this is an underhand attempt to institutionalize Femo-Fascism in the Indian government. I suggest that the Committees should be constituted of an equal number of men and women, and have two equal co-chairpersons, one a male the other a female.
Wrong 3: Under Section 19 of the proposed legislations, providing funds to the women’s rights activists is not made clear, while travel expenses is mentioned, other expenses like Dearness Allowances, etc, are deliberately not made clear. To breed more young feminists, press has to go to them for news; all these women rights activists are again given powers to employ more persons.
(*In most surveys includes having been hit, slapped, kicked and physically hurt.)
So, what is the percentage of Indian women getting physically abused in a year by their so called wife-beater husbands?
That is 19/(49-15) = 0.56PerCent.
Lets compare 0.56PerCent women between age 15-49 facing domestic violence and the figure of 70PerCent women facing domestic violence as reported in Media in last 20 days. Feminist hypocrisy is out in open.
On A Lighter Note
A good way to find the truth in the legislations drawn up by the Ministry of women and child development and NCW feminists, is to start reading near the bottom. They invariably put the main objectionable point near the end, then put so much confusion at top and middle by confusing use of word, that maybe Parliament’s members, while deciding whether to pass the law or not, will not read with full concentration until the end in details. So you know that as expected, the constitution of the Additional District Magistrates and Civil and Sessions Judges Committees, and the Parliament Committee, etc., are given at the end of the proposed legislation. Cheers.
Money and employment for Feminists
Though simple readings will not tell you, but a thorough logical examination of the text of the proposed legislation will reveal that this law is intended to create employment and money for feminists. See the draft of the proposed legislation at http://wcd.nic.in/draftsexharrsement.htm
What do you say about the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act that has been passed by Parliament recently?
The unity of family is already under threat in our country. This Act has been given another weapon in the hands of women. Before bringing any law, we need to educate people about its usage. George Washington was presented an axe by his father on his birthday in his childhood. Since he did not have the knowledge of using it, he destroyed the whole garden. The misuse of this Act will take women away from their family and the society. There are forces in the country who are jealous of our strong family system. Now they have started entrapping women. I am against crime against women, but I doubt whether the Act would be used to protect the family.
1) Mangalore: Bus front entrance reserved for women
2) Delhi schools bans male teachers
Sati or Suttee was practiced only by upper class Hindus, and it was never a universal custom. Additionally, historians believe that the practice was imported from Central Asia during early mediaeval times, and it has no sanction in the Hindu scriptures.
NEW DELHI: A matrimonial dispute culminated in a terrible tragedy on Tuesday when an estranged husband shot himself dead after firing indiscriminately at his in-laws’ family, injuring four of them in Mukherjee Nagar here.
Twentyfive-year-old Prem Singh, who shot himself in the right temple, died on the spot, while Gulshan (40), Asha (36), Usha (36) and Neha (17) were rushed to Bara Hindu Rao Hospital. They are stated to be out of danger now.
Married last year
According to the police, Prem Singh, a Development Officer with ICICI Bank, and Deepti, a counter clerk at the same branch of the bank, had got married early last year against the wishes of their families. But soon differences cropped up between the two and the couple got separated. Deepti came over to stay with her parents in Mukherjee Nagar and also filed a civil suit to have the marriage declared null and void.
“Prem, son of a retired Class IV employee with MTNL, had a humble background and wanted Deepti to stay with her in-laws in Majra Dabas village. Deepti, the daughter of a jeweller, wanted to stay in the city. This led to frequent quarrels between the two and the rift widened with the passage of time. The two did not stay together even for a single day after the court marriage last year,” said Deputy Commissioner of Police (North-West) Manish Agrawal on Tuesday evening.
Even the neighbours of the family had no knowledge of their marriage. “The family has been living here for the past 30 years and gets along well with all the neighbours. But very few people knew about the marriage.
The family was probably not happy with the marriage and kept it a secret. [b]They were even planning to get her married again and it probably infuriated the boy leading to the gory incident,[/b] said a neighbour.
Even after the two got separated, Prem continued to visit her house and put pressure on her to withdraw the divorce case. “He made threatening calls to the family and even stalked Deepti. But they never discussed it with us nor reported the matter to the police fearing loss of social prestige. Yesterday he again came to the house and had a heated argument with the family,” said a relative of the girl’s family.
Anticipating trouble, the elder members of the family did not go out for their daily chores on Tuesday and had asked the children to stay on the first floor of the three-storey house. “They were expecting him to arrive and create some sort of trouble. But no one expected that it would culminate in such a tragedy. He burst into the house and opened indiscriminate fire injuring Deepti’s uncle, aunt and mother. Deepti’s younger sister Neha, who rushed downstairs, also sustained bullet injuries,” said the relative.
According to the police, Prem arrived at the house on a scooter armed with two country-made pistols and a revolver. He fired from the revolver.
However, some neighbours said two of Prem’s accomplices waited outside when he went inside the house
UNSTARRED QUESTION NO
3306 TO BE ANSWERED ON 21.12.2004
MISUSE OF SECTION 498-A OF IPC
SHRI CHANDRA SEKHAR SAHU
Will the Minister of HOME
AFFAIRS be pleased to state:-
(a) whether Section 498-A of IPC regarding demand for dowry
is being abused at large by the bride/her parents; ;
(b) if so, whether
any committee has recommended to the Government to make changes in the above
section or to abolish the same in view of its misuse;
(c) if so, the
details in this regard;
(d) the details of criteria/guidelines followed
in registering a case on receipt of a complaint in such cases;
number of cases that have been registered under the above section in Delhi,
Police Station-wise particularly in Mangolpuri Police Station during -2004 till
(f) the provisions/remedy available for affected person and
the action taken against persons making bogus complaints and false allegations?
ANSWER MINISTER OF
STATE IN THE MINISTRY OF HOME AFFAIRS (SHRI MANIKRAO HODLYA GAVIT)
to (c): The Malimath Committee on Reforms of Criminal Justice System and the Law
Commissioner of India have, interalia, reviewed the provision of Section 498A of
IPC. On the basis of the recommendations made by the Malimath Committee in its
Report and also on the basis of the recommendations made by the Law Commission
in its 154th Report on the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973, it has been
proposed in the Criminal Law (Amendment) Bill, 2003, introduced in the Rajya
Sabha on 22nd August, 2003, to make the offence at Section 498A IPC a
(d): The criteria/guidelines followed in registering a
case under section 498-A is similar to registering any other congnizable offence
as laid down in the Code of Criminal Procedure, 1973.
(e): A statement
is enclosed. 17 such cases have been registered in Mangolpuri Police Station
during the period. Complaint under section 498A IPC is usually registered along
with section 406 IPC .
(f): Sections 182 and 211 of IPC provide
punishment for making wrong complaint and false charge of offence. Similarly
Section 358 of Cr. P.C. deals with cases of groundless arrests.
Detail of Cases registered under section 498-A IPC including
406/498-A IPC ( Police Stations-wise ) during the year 2004 (upto 30/11/04)
THE DELHI High Court continues its crackdown against the abuse of Section 498 (A) of the Indian Penal Code pertaining to punishment for dowry harassment. In the fourth significant ruling on the misuse of the provision within a month, the court on Tuesday directed trial courts to closely scrutinise allegations before framing charges under the antidowry law to curb the incidence of married women charging their in-laws with dowry harassment on frivolous grounds. “While framing charges the trial court must take into account the entirety of the case, all the documents which are brought to its notice,including the correspondence between the couple, and thereafter decide whether there was a case made out or the court was being used as a tool,” said Justice Shiv Narayan Dhingra.
Quashing proceedings under Section 498 (A) in a lower court against one Sangeeta Kalra in a frivolous case filed by her sister-in-law Renu (name changed), the judge said, “Where the lower court frames charges with a closed mind without proper enquiry and charges, in fact, amount to gross misuse of criminal justice system, it becomes the duty of the High Court to intervene so that there is no miscarriage of justice and people’s faith in judicial system remains intact.” Renu was married to Ranjan (name changed) on March 11, 1999. They lived together for 10 days before she left his home.
In a complaint filed with the police three months later, Renu’s father made vague allegations against her inlaws, including Sangeeta, without specifying any demand for dowry or incident of cruelty Perusing a letter written by Renu to Ranjan before leaving, the court said, “It seems the complainant left the matrimonial home only due to failure of physical relationship and resultant dissatisfaction and later on thought of implicating every member of the family in an anti-dowry and cruelty case. Even in the last letter she showered praise on her husband for love and affection but changed colour later” The judge concluded that the trial court had framed charges against Sangeeta without there being an iota of evidence of any cruelty
Mangalore March 14: A mother abandoned her mentally-challenged daughter near Noor Masjid in City on Monday.
The five-year-old girl child was found near Noor Masjid by some locals who in turn informed the police about this. Accordingly Pandeshwar SI came to the spot and took the child to the station. The child has been kept in Remand Home in Bondel for the time being. Efforts are on to trace the mother of the child. A case has been registered.
MADURAI : The third additional sub-court judge, M. Prakasan, recently ordered a woman to pay interim maintenance relief to her husband, with the divorce petition of the couple pending.
In his petition, S. Chinnasamy (38) said he quit his job as a constable in the Central Reserve Police Force to live with his wife, who was working as a Revenue Inspector at Usilampatti.
However, misunderstanding led to a divorce petition that was filed in a Madurai court in 2001. The petitioner, who said he was unemployed and had no source of income, sought a maintenance relief of Rs. 3,000 per month and Rs. 2,000 towards cost of litigation.
The judge ordered the woman to pay Rs. 1,000 per month as interim maintenance.
NEW DELHI: After being hauled up by Delhi High Court for misusing the Domestic Violence (Protection) Act, a divorcee non-resident Indian woman has agreed not to press charges against her former husband.
Appearing before a Bench of Justice Manmohan Sarin and Justice S L Bhayana, the woman, Zulekha Karnik, submitted in court through her counsel R K Anand that she was willing to consider a compromise and sought a week’s time for the same.
Accordingly, the Bench asked both parties to sort out the matter failing which, it warned, the Bench would initiate action against her.
The petitioner in the case is a Pune-based businessman, Omesh Karnik, who had approached the high court claiming he was being harassed by his former wife who had lodged a complaint against him under the Domestic Violence, (Protection) Act. In her complaint, the woman had blamed him for committing domestic violence by denying her a portion of the house which was jointly owned by them. The case had gone to a magistrate who had ordered the trial to begin.
The husband then sought relief from the court and in the process, also challenged the sections of the act which had been slapped on him by his former wife. Saying that there was no domestic violence involved as the duo had separated ten years ago, the petitioner had claimed this was a tool being used to harass him.
The Bench then stayed the trial court proceedings against the husband and also demanded an explanation why the act itself be not quashed in this situation.
On the last date of hearing the court also pulled up the woman for filing such a complaint under the act saying prima facie the invocation seemed doubtful.
In the good old heyday of male chauvinism, a common quip by people usually categorised (or caricatured) as MCPs ran as follows: A man occupying a socially exalted position is challenged by a woman journalist for having a bias against women. He refutes the allegation strongly, adding for good measure, “I assure you I have nothing against women. Why, some of my best friends and relations are women. In fact, even my wife is a woman!”
Lest I be clubbed with such unreformed chauvinists, let me start with some categorical disclaimers. Far from holding chauvinistic views, I have championed the cause of gender equality on numerous occasions, as regular readers of this column will testify. I paid fulsome compliments to the gradual dismantling of the glass ceiling that prevented women professionals from rising to the top of corporate hierarchies including media organisations. Writing in these very columns in defence of the much-maligned cricket entertainer, Mandira Bedi (whom I interviewed recently for our sister publication Darpan), I even predicted that some day we could see mixed cricket teams. Many brickbats followed in the wake of that article, but my views haven’t changed.
I over-rode internal opposition to commit The Pioneer to supporting women’s reservation in legislatures, pointing to the success of reserved panchayats in empowering the hitherto weaker sex in rural India. Although I need not bend backwards to prove my credentials on this score, I am disturbed by the growing intolerance of a section of urban women and their enslaved jholawalas to anything that critiques their growing shrillness. Utter a word against the prevailing media tyranny of uncritical promotion of the cause of an undifferentiated category called “women” and you are reviled for being politically incorrect, as if one has ended up defending sati or female foeticide!
The celebrations to mark International Women’s Day on March 8 this year, in my opinion, crossed all acceptable levels of a sense of proportion. We were deluged with reports on how women were being denied combat roles in the armed forces, regaled with lists of women’s role models, dollops of crocodile tears were shed for the unborn girl child and all predictable subjects (strangely enough, including alleged atrocities on women during the Gujarat riots) were regurgitated ad nauseum. It cannot be anybody’s case that women are not discriminated against in most societies, and that includes India. But the manner in which the print and electronic media, with the active financial support of our current woman-dominated regime, went about promoting these issues would make any outsider think that no other form of discrimination exists or that no other section deserves empowerment. In a country where 30 per cent of 110 crore people live below the official poverty line, will empowerment of women by enlisting them for combat duty in the armed forces, help alleviate the larger social malaise?
I find it particularly offensive that deeply ingrained cultural traditions of Indian society are blissfully ignored by this group of rootless activists in the alleged pursuit of the “cause”. I must point out that the liberation of women from the bondage of a male-dominated social order cannot be accomplished through some visible and demonstrative symbols alone. While upholding the right of women to do most things that men do, such as smoke in public, drink in bars, travel at night without fearing assault by sex-starved men, I insist these behavioural freedoms are not the be all and end all of women’s rights.
It is often overlooked by the rabid champions of feminism that the most important aspect of women’s liberation lies in the home and that cannot be achieved in confrontation with men. Unfortunately the leadership of women’s advocacy groups, at least the visible section among them, has been usurped by those who either do not have a marital home or are emotionally estranged from their male partners. They do not represent the typical woman whether in India or abroad.
Even more unfortunately, the vocal champions of women’s empowerment have pitted themselves against the family. It appears from their rants and writings that women can become self-assured only if the family and all the values this system encapsulates, is destroyed for good. It is the acceptance of this flawed logic that made the Government bring forward the pernicious Domestic Violence Act. Anybody in his right mind would not believe that after complaining against her husband or in-laws to the police a woman can continue to live in her marital home with safety or dignity.
Arguably, women are often pathetically maltreated in their marital home by rapacious and violent husbands, their parents and other relatives. So it is essential that a social security net is provided for women who are turfed out of such homes, sometimes with children, and driven to destitution because they are often not welcome to return to their parental or fraternal abode. In other words, it is the absence of social security that prevents divorced or deserted women, especially single mothers, from leading a life of dignity. The solution to this problem does not lie in enacting a totally unenforcable Domestic Violence Act, but in introducing a special scheme for women in such situations.
I also wonder why the thrust of so-called gender equality and women’s empowerment is directed only at Hindu society. Divorced Muslim women have been denied alimony by a change in the law following the Shah Bano judgement. Has the Domestic Violence Act been able to ensure a life of dignity for Imrana in her marital home? These questions are conveniently shrugged aside in the anti-male tirade unleashed by the jhola brigade.
And then there is the draconian Anti-Dowry Act. Undoubtedly well intentioned, it is however widely acknowledged now that cases of its misuse by women and their relatives are multiplying constantly. Meanwhile, prosecution of genuine victims of dowry harassment is so tardy that most of the bride-burning criminals either go scot-free or manage to drag the cases over a decade or more. However, in the enthusiasm to promote a distorted idea of empowerment, rampant misuse of the anti-dowry legislation is frequently encouraged by publicity hungry NGOs. Interestingly, the fewest cases of bride-burning or dowry harassment are reported from States that are considered “feudal”, such as Bihar, Madhya Pradesh and eastern parts of UP, or from “enlightened” States like West Bengal, Kerala, Assam and even “backward” Orissa.
The point, therefore, is that celebration of the “rebellious woman” out to wreck the family system, actually hinders rather than helps enhance their status. We should stop creating gender stereotypes and instead of aping the West, focus on observing something on the lines of Gender Harmony Day instead of Women’s Day or Men’s Day. The Indian ethos, which revolves around the union of genders through the concept of the ardhnarishwara, enjoins us not to promote divisiveness between man and woman for none can be a complete individual unless conjoined, in keeping with the law of nature.
Source : Woman and home
Man files plea in HC, saying his wife was taken away by her parents after which they are all untraceable
Mumbai, March 12: In an unusual case, a man has filed a habeas corpus writ petition in the Bombay High Court, asking it to help him find his wife, who went missing from her parents’ place since November-end last year.
Under habeas corpus — which literally means ‘show me the body’— a court can order authorities to produce the body of a person before it within a specified time.
The petition, filed by one Sufiyan Shafi Khan, came up for hearing on March 8 before Justices Ranjana Desai and Anoop V Mohta, who have directed the public prosecutor to prepare a reply before March 15, when the matter will be heard.
Sufiyaan, who got married to Ambreen Fakhi as per the Muslim law in October last year, has alleged that his wife disappeared after she went to her parents’ place on their request.
“We had known each other for almost five years and decided to get married but Ambreen’s family was opposed to the marriage. We tried hard to convince her parents, but in vain. So, we got married on October 30, 2006 as per the Muslim law. The nikaah ceremony took place at a friend’s office in the presence of some close friends and well-wishers. The nikaah was performed by Maulana Quari Tayyeb, a Qaazi whose affidavit is part of the writ petition I have filed in the HC,” said Sufiyan, who lives in Sai Vaishali building in Jogeshwari.
According to Sufiyaan, his wife went to her parents’ house on November 21 after much persuasion from them.
“They said they were willing to accept us a couple if Ambreen went with them for a while. Ambreen reluctantly went with them and I was told that they would drop her back in an hour. But that never happened. Since that day, I am Ambreen, a student of Bhavan’s College Sufiyan Shafi Khan says he married Ambreen Fakhi as per the Muslim law in October last year. Sufiyan says that Ambreen’s parents were not happy with the match clueless about the whereabouts of my wife. When I visited their residence, I found their house locked,” added Sufiyaan.
Sufiyaan tried his best to file a missing complaint with the police but to no effect. “They have not even lodged a non-cognisable complaint,” he said.
When contacted, a sub-inspector at Oshiwara police station said, “The day the girl left her parents’ place, she had come here with Sufiyaan and wrote a letter stating that she was a major and was willing to marry him. That day, we even summoned her parents and explained the whole matter. I briefed them to sort out the matter and allowed them to go.”
A couple of neighbours, friends and witnesses also spoke to Mumbai Mirror about the nikaah. “We were present at the nikaah of Sufiyaan with Ambreen and it was evident that they both wanted to be with each other. We also signed as witnesses in the nikaahnama,” said Huzefia Pathan and K Riaz.
Sufiyaan’s lawyer advocate Ramesh Pandey said he had to file a habeas corpus writ since the cops were refusing to lodge a missing complaint.
However, when contacted, Ambreen’s brother Oyez Fakhi rubbished the nikaah. “There is no nikaah between them. She is safe with us and is very much in Mumbai,” he said.
Ambreen could not be contacted as her brother refused access to her. Ambreen is a B. Com (second year) student at Bhavan’s College.
She is not attending the college at present and some of her friends have told Sufiyaan that she is not appearing for the examinations.
HOWRAH: A day after a New Hampshire-based doctor was forced to pay Rs 30 lakh as divorce settlement, another NRI was arrested on Wednesday on charges of torturing his wife, the daughter of a high-profile CPM councillor in Howrah.
He was released after an out-of-court settlement. Rohit Jaiswal, who runs a business in New York, was nabbed as soon as he landed at his Howrah home with wife Indruja.
His parents and nephews living in the same house were also arrested.
Indruja married Rohit in 2002 in a lavish ceremony attended by 30,000 guests. But it wasn’t a happy marriage. Her relative told The Times of India that the “battered” Indruja would call her mother, Mamata Jaiswal, from New York to narrate her plight.
It was Mamata who lodged the complaint under Section 498A. All the arrested were produced in court on Wednesday afternoon and released on bail after Mamata decided on an out-of-court settlement, a Howrah court lawyer said.
“True I made the complaint. But on second thoughts, I chose not to drag family matters in public because it involves my daughter’s life. I decided to go in for an amicable solution,” Mamata said.
All information contained in this report is from self-declared,
sworn affidavits filed by the candidates themselves. Karnataka Election Watch
(KEW) has tabulated and compiled this information and has not added anything. Of
the 104 Assembly constituencies going to the polls on April 26, 2004 in Phase 2,
KEW was able to get information from 98 constituencies. The remaining 6 were not
accessible even on the Election Commission website as on April 19, 2004, a full
13 days after close of nominations. In these 98 constituencies, there are 91
candidates with a criminal record. A full list of the candidates is enclosed.
Among the three major parties, the BJP heads the list with 21 candidates having
a criminal record, the JD(S) follows with 19, and the Congress with 12. The BJP
ally, JD(U) has 1. All offences under the Indian Penal Code are considered to be
criminal offences as framed by Parliament and Legislators themselves.
Summary of criminal records – Number of candidates from
Phase 2 polls
Phase 1 polls
Considering candidates from all parties and the Independents,
violent crimes include 4 of murder under IPC 302; 7 of attempt to murder under
IPC 307; 70 for violent actions like assault, causing grievous hurt, use of
dangerous weapons under IPC 323, 324, 326, 332, 333, 352, 353, 337, 338; 30 for
criminal intimidation and death threats under IPC 506; 9 for robbery, theft and
dacoity under IPC 379, 380, 392, 395; 11 for provoking enmity on religion and
caste, and defiling place of worship under IPC 153 and 295; 13 for house break
and assault under IPC 447, 451, 452, 454, 456; 4 for attempted dacoity under IPC
398, 399, 402; and 4 for causing damage by fire and explosives under IPC 436. In
addition, there are 6 cases for cheating, fraud, and forgery. Many candidates
have more than one case against them. Political parties routinely dismiss the
charges as those from so-called political rallies, dharnas or rasta roko. It is
important to note that none of the charges mentioned above are for such crimes.
An analysis of such charges for the three major parties is given below.
307: Attempt to murder
506: Criminal intimidation and death threats
323,324,332,333,337,338,352,353:Assault, grievous hurt, use of
379, 380, 420, 474: theft, cheating, forgery
153, 295: Insulting religion, defiling place of worship
447,451,452,454,456: House break, assault
436: Causing damage with fire and
Total charges (many candidates have multiple
That means there are 96 charges for violent crimes amongst the
major parties alone. If we add the candidates from other parties and
Independents, the situation is even more alarming. Interestingly, this shows a
higher level of criminal records than some North Indian states like Delhi,
Rajasthan and Gujarat.
If we add charges for rioting under 143, 144 and 147, or
charges for rioting with deadly weapons under 148, the number shoots up. Such
cases are usually dismissed by political parties as ‘political’ in nature for
holding rallies, defying prohibitory orders, rasta roko and dharnas. However, it
should be noted that Parliament has classified such offenses as crimes under the
Indian Penal Code (IPC). In any case, why parties routinely resort to such
activities that are a public nuisance and disrupt traffic is a matter for
debate. They need to find alternate methods for registering protest. Another
claim of opposition parties is that the ruling party foists false cases on them.
If this were true, then ruling party candidates would not have such cases
Financial Record – Assembly
Of the 706 candidates for whom data were available, 58 of them
or 8.4Percent have either not declared any assets at all or have not given the market
value of their assets. The first omission violates the Supreme Court judgment
requiring declaration of assets of self, spouse and dependents. The second
violates the Election Commission requirement. This however shows an improvement
over phase 1 where 22.1Percent declared nil assets. Among the major parties, there are
2 from the BJP, 3 from the Congress, and 1 from the JD(S).
Most candidates have simply not given their Income Tax
PAN number. A total of 514 or 72.9Percent of them have neglected to do so. Today
a licensed plumber in BWSSB needs to declare a PAN number for empanelment. In
the major parties, 63.2 Percent of the BJP candidates, 53.1Percent in the Congress, 64.5.Percent in
the JD(S) have not given this information. The Election Commission needs to
consider whether action against such candidates can be taken.
A total of 19 candidates have Government dues ranging from
Rs.20000 to Rs.45.5 lakhs. The BJP has 3, the Congress has 4, and the JD(S) has
5 such candidates.
Among the major parties, there are a total of 13 candidates
with assets of Rs.3 crores or more. The Congress heads the list with 8
candidates, followed by the BJP with 3 and the JD(S) with 2.
In summary, there is a strong tendency to gloss over or hide
information. In fact, Parliament had passed an Amendment to the Representation
of people Act in 2002 saying financial disclosures were not required.
Fortunately, the Supreme Court struck down the Amendment down as
Financial Details Assembly Phase 1– Major Parties
(Figures show No. of candidates or
No PAN Number
High Government dues
Assets> Rs.3 crore
Lok Sabha – Criminal Record
There are 13 Constituencies going to the polls in Phase 2 for
the Lok Sabha. There are 8 candidates with a criminal record among them. The BJP
has 2, and includes cases of criminal intimidation and death threats, house
trespass for assault, criminal force on public servants, and charges under
prevention of Corruption Act. The other two major parties, the Congress and the
JD(S) have none. The KNP has 3 cases for breach of trust, cheating and
dishonesty, and violation of Copyright Act. The remaining 3 candidates with a
criminal record are Independents. Some candidates have not declared under which
sections they have been charged, but have merely given the name of the Police
Station and the Court.
Lok Sabha Criminal Record
Kannada Nadu Party (KNP)
2 Candidates. Criminal intimidation and death threats, house trespass
for assault, and charges under prevention of Corruption Act
3 Candidates. Cheating, breach of trust, violation of
Lok Sabha – Financial Record
In the Lok Sabha, there are 8 candidates with very low total
assets of Rs.1 lakh or less. None of them has provided any PAN number. This
needs to be investigated further by the Election Commission. False declaration
under oath is a criminal offense, and false declaration to voters misleads them.
None of them is from any of the three major parties.
A total of 7 candidates have assets of Rs.3 crore or more. The
JD(S) has none, the Congress 4 and the BJP 2 with one from KNP. Of these, 1 has
not provided his/her PAN number. The highest declaration is by the Congress
candidate from the Mysore constituency with Rs.1522 crores. This is perhaps one
of the highest asset declarations in the country. Three candidates have
Government dues of Rs.20 thousand or more, of which, 2 are from the BJP and one
from the JD(S). Both have declared substantial assets, and none of them has
provided a PAN number. One Congress candidate has not declared whether he has
Government dues or not.
A total of 34 candidates have not given their PAN numbers of
which 13 are from the 3 major parties and their allies. Of the total of 13 Lok
Sabha seats, 6 are from the JD(S), 4 from the BJP-JD(U) alliance and 2 from the
Financial Details Lok Sabha Phase 2– Major Party
(Figures show No. of candidates or
Total Assets < Rs.1 lakh
No PAN Number
High Government dues
Assets> Rs.3 crore
Both phase 1 and phase 2 data show that the overall quality of
candidates is not up to the mark. Elections in India are largely fought on party
lines and not so much on the basis of individual candidate performance. In this
situation, party leaders are squarely to blame for the kind of candidates they
put up. With better grassroots mobilization, they will be able to identify more
capable and ‘winnable’ candidates. At present, the party leaders are taking the
easy way out and going in for money and muscle power, and more recently, using
glamour to woo voters.
The criminal records in particular are a little alarming. A
total of 120 in Phase 1 and 92 in Phase 2 have a criminal record. Unless this
trend is checked, elections, democracy and overall governance will suffer. There
is strong evidence to suggest that candidates are not fully disclosing their
financial record as required by the Supreme Court and the Election commission.
About 78Percent of them in Phase 1 and 73Percent in Phase 2 have not given their PAN
numbers. A total of 240 in Phase 1 and 58 in Phase 2 have either not declared
any assets at all or not provided any monetary value of their assets. The EC
needs to take action on this issue.
The onus is clearly on the party leaders to cleanse the
political system by fielding cleaner and more capable
Bangalore: Why should men take the responsibility of being a protector and provider in the era of gender equality and women’s empowerment? Why are the laws of cruelty, adultery, dowry harassment and domestic violence heavily biased against men?
These questions were raised by Save Indian Family Foundation (SIFF), a self-help group raised on Saturday. NRI men are the worst victims as false dowry cases are slapped against them. How is that the National Commission for Women declares adulterous men as criminals and adulterous woman as victims ? SIFF asked.
- Men must get 50PerCent child custody
- No alimony/maintenance should be given to a working woman, who walks out of a marriage
- Make domestic violence laws gender-neutral
Source : Why laws biased against men ?
Bangalore, Mar. 11 : Over 200 Non-Resident Indian (NRI) software professionals have come under the banner of “Save Indian Family” to fight dowry harassment cases hoisted by their wives abroad.
The highly skilled and rich software professionals allege that their wives harass them for money.
The forum’s Founder and a software professional Kumar says many NRI software engineers and professionals have been falsely implicated in such cases and are embroiled in fighting legal battles in India and abroad.
The forum has helped in bringing such “harassed” husbands together and provided them a platform to fight for their rights.
“There has been a lot of development in the work we have been doing. Around 200 NRI cases we have got, of which 70 per cent are software engineers and the rest are doctors and others,” said Kumar.
According to Kumar most of the NRIs do not have faith in the Indian judicial system.
“Most of the time it is these NRIs who do not come to India, because as soon as they land their passports are impounded. They don’t have faith in the justice system and thus it doesn’t give them right to fight their cases,” he said.
“We are demanding that as soon as these NRIs land at Indian airports, their passports should not be impounded. They should be given a chance to fight their cases,” he added.
The forum helps the NRIs and their family members in resolving their disputes.
“Most of these NRIs’ parents are here in India and they are very old. So it is them who are running around the lawyers and courts all the time. At such a time we help them out. We council the parents of both the parties and sometime before the case is filed, we get them to resolve their issues,” Kumar said.
This forum came to the rescue of Ritesh Saxena, an NRI software engineer, who has been fighting a case for the his child’s possession.
“The Save Indian Family foundation is a forum for harassed husbands is organising software professionals and other professionals to fight against false cases hoisted by their wives,” said Saxena.
“My child is five years old now and it’s been nine years of marriage. The case has been filed in December 2006 and all I am fighting for is that I should be allowed to see my child and that he should be brought up in a good environment,” he added.
Unable to bear the demands of the modern woman, an increasing number of Indian men are making the dramatic decision of banning romance from their lives. They are instead paying for love in erotic lands.
Agniva Banerjee on a disturbing trend
Empowered women and men who pretend to be fair have erected a global concentration camp of political correctness that has left the average male depersonalised, bitter and even deformed. Look around honestly. The 21st century man is right there laughing like a jackass at the Hugh Grant matinée. He shares the kitchen sink chores at home and changes nappies. He has been domesticated after being lured into marriage by something called love. It is in reaction to this decimation of the natural male, this creation of a comical character called a good modern husband, that an increasing number of boys and men are rejecting romance all together. No more wooing the average girl in the office, succumbing to her good words, then putting up with her inevitable tantrums. Not when they have discovered ways of satiating their carnal needs — exotic sex lands and high-end prostitutes. One may think it is all too simplistic. But that’s what the male brain ranging from Albert Einstein’s to Salman Khan’s has always craved for — simplicity of theory.
Shashwat Srivastava, a 27-year-old advertising professional from Delhi, is one such male who believes in hard work, hard cash, and holidays in Thailand, Amsterdam and Rio. He says with the excitement of a new convert, Earlier, I would meet a pretty girl in the office and try to strike up a conversation. It would take considerable effort to cut through her airs and graces and get talking. The topic of the conversation would be a pain to me, but I would pretend to enjoy every moment. After a few days she would be ready to go out for coffee. This would be followed by a mind-numbing movie. Then another round of coffee. A month would have passed by now. I would still be in hot pursuit. A few weekends later would come the big day for dinner. After the dinner I would, chivalrously, drop her home. And the next day, just when I would expect my big moment to come, I would find her chatting animatedly with the idiot from marketing. What a waste of effort.
But success in love brings a new set of obstacles. Many a times you do succeed. And you also end up making love. But then, very quickly, you also fall out of love and start fancying other girls.
And then it gets damn difficult to break free from the woman, says Soumik Naskar, an 18-year-old undergraduate student of information technology at the Government Engineering College, Kalyani, West Bengal. It’s being unfair to the woman. You know you are in it for sex. So why keep up the pretence? Why not go straight for the nookie by paying for it?
Ramesh Kaul, a 45-year-old Delhi-based marketing consultant, says about the sudden spurt in men being Bohemian instead of proper, It’s a healthy thing. For as little as 50,000 bucks, you can have a fun weekend in Southeast Asia. Many of my close friends are doing that.
The new experiment of Indian men with breaking away from social norms and finding love in the commercial place is at a higher state of evolution in the First World. According to a report which appeared in the British Medical Journal in 2005, the percentage of British men who paid for sex had increased from 5.6 in 1990 to 9 in 2000. But the element of surprise lay in the details. It was not just the fat slob,the sex worker’s client stereotype, who was visiting brothels.
[u]The study found an increasing number of successful, attractive men in their mid-twenties to mid-thirties opting to pay for intimacy.[/u]
Clare Spurrell, a reporter for The Times of London, interviewed some of these men wondering why the sort of young man of whom most mothers would approve, paid for sex. It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter cannot, Spurrell wrote. The answer Spurrell got was obvious — lack of any emotional obligation.
It’s happening in the vicinity, says 41-year-old Vijay Swami, a senior vice-president of a communications agency in Mumbai. Conversations with friends and acquaintances reveal that quite a few of them are paying for sex. Ramesh Kaul says that a trend may have started in which men are no longer interested in the women around them. Flirting used to be and still is the norm when it comes to interaction between men and women at the workplace. But in my previous organisation there was this guy who just did not interact with the women apart from in a strictly professional capacity. I found his behaviour a bit odd. It emerged gradually that he believed in hard work and earning good money; he did not believe in asking women out, in forging relationships or in love. He preferred chasing exotica. He would go on planned sex tours abroad. The number of such men, though small today in India, is on the rise according to the observations of regular men.
Radical feminists call the phenomenon a systemic objectification of women. But is this objectification really so repulsive to women?
Could it be that love was always some sort of a material transaction between a man and a woman? Shekhar Verma, a student of advertising and public relations at the Indian Institute of Mass
Communication,New Delhi, says, In my institute, the boys are out to get the prettiest girls, while the girls are out to get the guys with the best bikes, best mobiles and rich dads. And there’s no such thing as love. So if some men have stopped being hypocritical, what’s wrong with it?
The tragedy is, says Srivastava, that though men appreciate the needs of women, women don’t of men. They expect us to listen to and understand everything they say, but don’t realise they are driving us crazy. Women simply rob you of your happiness. So why shouldn’t men make the dealing straight? The view of Srivastava, as offensive as it might be to women, is a very common view that most men keep hearing all the time from their friends.
Even among men who like relationships with regular women, there is now a rise in the lure of brothels. That is tied to another fundamental male need — variety. One must understand that being respectable was not, at any point in human history, a fervent male wish. Now men are encashing in on the liberal times.
Marita McCabe, one of the psychologists who conducted a study in Australia in 2000, concluded that men visit sex workers, not only for sexual activities that their partners do not provide, but also to fulfil certain psychological needs, such as the need for intimacy and excitement.
Even as an increasing number of men are dismissing monogamy as an unnatural societal condition, what is interesting is that they are conducting this rejection not with any nebulous guilt, but with the conviction of a virtuous ascetic. As Kaul says, When my son grows up, I will expect him to have fun too.
Toxic Wife Syndrome, first revealed in these pages six weeks ago, is more prevalent than we thought, says Tara Winter Wilson
You may not know one personally, but you will certainly have read about them. They are, increasingly these days, the figures who emerge triumphant from the divorce courts. They are the ones who get to keep the house (no mortgage), the cars (usually more than one), the staff (approaching double figures) and, more often than not, half the husband’s fortune, regardless of what she has done to contribute towards it.
I’m not talking about the ones who sacrificed careers at the altar of family life only to be cruelly abandoned when their useful days are done. I’m talking about the ones who knowingly take their husbands to the cleaners claiming, while they are at it, that they could do with £20 million or so to keep them in blow-drys. What kind of person actually needs £20 million for spending money? The Toxic Wife, that’s who.
Such was the furore earlier this year over my identification of Toxic Wife Syndrome in the pages of the Telegraph that it is clear I have hit a raw nerve. From the staggering response, from Japan to Iraq and America to Berkshire (where my article is now framed in the gentlemen’s loo of a Lambourn pub), there is little doubt about the course of action required: toxic wives must be weeded out.
Let me remind you what a toxic wife is – some of you got the wrong end of the stick when I first addressed this issue, thinking I was referring to all stay-at-home-mothers and housewives. Not a bit of it. I have every admiration for women who choose the selfless task of caring and nurturing the next generation. No, the toxic wife is a completely different species.
She is the woman who gives up work as soon as she marries, ostensibly to create a stable home environment for any children that might come along, but who then employs large numbers of staff to do all the domestic work she promised to undertake, leaving her with little to do all day except shop, lunch, luxuriate. Believe me, there is no shortage of the breed and I’ve been inundated with horror tales about them.
There is, for example, the TW who made around £30 million from only four years of marriage. Her husband couldn’t stand the way she was abusive to his staff, aggressive towards him and extravagantly indulgent with herself.
Then, there’s the ex-wife of a friend of mine, Belinda, who has been awarded several million pounds for a marriage that lasted less than three years and produced no children. The sum amounts to almost £5,000 for every day of marriage. No wonder her ex-husband, let’s call him Crispin, a City financier, is in despair. After reading the article he told me: Giving her £5 million for doing absolutely nothing except shop and lunch makes me question the sanity of our legal system.
Of course, there is no fail-safe way of knowing what someone is like until you live with them, as Crispin says he discovered to his cost. She put a gun to my head and I took the bullet, he admits. I think she must have been following the text book
‘How to trap your man’, because she refused to live with me until we got married. I made a stupid mistake and now I have to pay for it.
Soon after their wedding, Belinda gave up work to care for the house. At first, I couldn’t understand why, because we had a cleaner who cleaned, a gardener who gardened and home cooking was provided by M&S, says Crispin. Overnight she changed.
Friends were no longer allowed to drop in like they used to – at least a week’s notice had to be given. Shoes had to be taken off at the front door. She became nagging, scolding, overbearing and shrewish. She made my life a misery. It pains me that this able-bodied, 40-year-old woman will be handsomely rewarded for the rest of her life – all at my expense. I feel as though I’m the victim of legally sanctioned burglary.
Capturing a rich husband is seen as a legitimate career choice in itself. A 25-year-old banker friend told me that many girls don’t even bother getting a job after university – they stay on the party circuit until they’ve trapped their milch-cow.
Just turn up at Mahiki, (the London nightclub frequented by Princes William and Harry) and you’ll find an army of potential TWs… they’re like a gang of seductive, pretty vampires who are sharpening their talons and teeth in a bid to catch a rich husband and then suck him dry of his hard-earned cash. It’s common knowledge now that one of the most lucrative careers a woman can have is to get married, have a child, and get divorced.
Not only do ex-husbands of TWs get skinned alive when they divorce, the toxicity levels reach a poisonous high, goaded and condoned by society. Indeed, I heard of a high-profile divorce lawyer who said to the wife of an acquaintance of mine: When you leave my office you must hate your husband as much as possible. How toxic can you get?
But TWs are not confined to the divorce courts – many of them are toxic mothers, too. Only this week, when I was trudging up Kensington Park Road, I spotted a serious TW. She was striding ahead of her beautiful young son, a bejewelled ear clasped to her mobile phone while her son pleaded: Mummy! Mummy! Won’t you hold my hand?
Oh stop being mental, was her terse, distracted response.
Traipsing behind, the little boy burst into sobs. Oh do shut up, she said, her voice thick with irritation.
Believe me, there is a completely different species out there. They may look human, in an artificially manufactured way, but they don’t seem tohave any conscience or interest in anything other than the trivial minutiae of their own existence and, naturally, how to hitch themselves to an alpha-male.
According to Susie Ambrose, who runs a gold-digger-vetting business called Seventy Thirty, there are increasing amounts of women who are desperately materialistic and who have learnt the art of faking love. They don’t want to marry for emotional support, intimacy or companionship; they are driven by monetary rewards. And, dear readers, they walk among us.
So how can you spot a potential toxic wife? I feel it is my duty to provide you with a checklist (courtesy of Susie Ambrose). This is vital reading material for all you potential husbands. Pay close attention; this is professional advice from an expert and it could save you millions – not to mention your sanity. And, women, too, take note – for it could save love and marriage from becoming things of the past.
[b]HOW TO SPOT A TOXIC WIFE[/b]
1 Women who are secure in themselves and have a more developed emotional intelligence and personal depth do not feel the need to show off. Check whether or not she is festooned with ‘designer’ accessories. Listen carefully to what she says. How often does she name-drop?
2 On first acquaintance, she will want to find out if you’re rich or not. If you find yourself discussing your assets within the first 10 minutes you know her agenda. She is not going to waste time on you if you don’t have serious money.
3 She will flirt without first finding out if you’re married or involved with someone else. She has no scruples about stealing another woman’s man.
4 Even though she may have an impressive job, her main asset is sex. She will come on in a highly provocative manner, be wearing lots of make-up and revealing clothes. Potential toxic wives are extremely clever. Do not equate intelligence with emotional values and worth.
5 Often she will use the FSFM tactic (feel sorry for me). This will manifest itself on the second or third date. She wants to assess how generous you can be and will tell you how naïve she is and how misled by some nasty people she owes money to. As a chivalrous male, you get out your chequebook.
6 You must find out how motivated she is. Ask her what her future goals, dreams and aspirations are.
7 Toxic gold-diggers tend to target older men. And your level of physical attractiveness makes no difference. Do you genuinely wildly arouse her or is this all an act?
8 She will choose the most expensive item on the menu or the most expensive drink.
9 Men, who have been recently widowed or divorced are great prey. You are at your most vulnerable.
10 Before you marry, go on holiday together or spend at least some time co-habiting. Remember, if you make a mistake you will pay for it for the rest of your life
Decadent stay-at-home wives who take their rich husbands for a ride have finally been rumbled, says Tara Winter Wilson
Once upon a time, there was a truth, universally acknowledged, that a man with a powerful job and a beautiful house must be in want of a wife – preferably of the trophy variety. Domesticated, docile yet dazzling, she was the perfect finishing touch.
Not any more. According to research to be published in the journal Labour Economics, the earnings gap between married couples is narrowing. While in the 1980s it was the case that the higher a professional man’s salary the fewer paid hours his wife would put in, men today are more likely to want a dynamic high-flier, an equal who wows him as much in the boardroom as in the bedroom.
A victory for feminism? Sadly not. The reason for this change, sisters, is nothing to be proud of.
Rich men, I believe, have finally cottoned on to the sinister side of the stay-at-home wife: unless you marry an equal who’s going to pay her own way, you will end up with a lazy, indulgent, over-pampered slug. For the transition from trophy wife to toxic wife is as fast as the end result is furious.
I should know: many men of my age and acquaintance have become deeply bitter and disappointed about how their wives have changed since they hung up their working wardrobes. I am talking about university-educated women (often Oxbridge graduates) who do a couple of years work in the City before harnessing themselves to a milch cow and having it all.
Apparently there’s a new take on having it all – and it’s not what the majority of us understood it to mean. Back in the 1970s, it meant effortlessly maintaining a beautiful home, entertaining in grand style, raising perfect children, keeping the husband sweet and having some sort of career in order to create financial independence.
Superwoman was the phrase coined for these energetic pioneers; trophy wives for the less energetic ones. Today it’s a whole new ball game.
It is like a perversion of the evolution theory: they have evolved into creatures whose function is simply to get the most for doing the least, whispered an exhausted husband to me recently. I wouldn’t mind providing her with so much if she just did something for me occasionally. She’s never even once cooked me a meal.
She doesn’t know the definition of sacrifice, said another angry husband. Relationships are meant to be about compromise, but she is more about selfishness. I bend and adapt to her needs, yet all she gives me are ultimatums.
Can’t you just divorce? I asked.
Are you kidding? he replied. I’d lose everything I’ve worked for, including my children, and I’d be paying her an indecent amount of money for life.
There’s another reason these husbands don’t divorce, added a sympathetic onlooker. They don’t want to admit to failure – they don’t want to be ungallant. There’s an unspoken nobility or gentlemanly understanding that divorce is something they don’t do.
Indeed, something they don’t do is a mantra that extends to practically every area of toxic wifedom. Once an intelligent, educated woman who could hold her own in any dinner-party conversation, the toxic wife will do nothing of the sort.
They not only become utterly vacant, they never throw dinner parties or entertain anyone outside of their small, closeted circle of other vacant wives, said irate husband number one.
None of us can understand this: they become obsessed with perfection, grooming, with all aspects of their personal appearance… in a word, they become boring.
Vain, boring, indulgent and lazy, adds yet another voice to the growing army of fed-up husbands. I have to take the children out of the house every Sunday morning and wander around with them trying to find things to do because my wife must have a lie-in. I’m only allowed back in the house after 11am. Sunday is the nanny’s day off,you see.
My wife, chipped in husband number two, gives over the whole of the weekend to pursuing what she calls ‘me time’. She goes to retreats, yoga mini-breaks, a spa, a health farm, even art classes…
all of which I pay for, of course. What do I get back in return? Nothing.
So today’s concept of a wife having it all, simply put, means never doing anything personally if she can pay someone else to do it for her. And if she can’t find someone else, her husband must do it.
To be frank, said another unfortunate husband, I was conned. And I’m by no means the only one. There’s a pattern of behaviour that these wives all adopt.
There are five tell-tale signs, apparently. First, she gives up work,ostensibly to care for the brood, only to have the children packed off to either boarding school or intensive (ie, lots of extra-curricular activities) private day schools.
Secondly, she suddenly wants to move somewhere more rural/suburban that suits her idea of family life, yet location-wise is horrendous for her exhausted, ever-commuting husband.
Thirdly, she demands wall-to-wall help, which nearly always includes an abused Filipina who works 12-14 hours a day, six days a week.
Fourthly, she refuses to fulfil in any way the traditional contract of the non-working spouse in terms of doing anything for her husband (such as cooking), while, fifthly, she expects her husband to fulfil the traditional but anachronistic male role in the household (such as paying all the bills).
Here is a typical day outlined by one husband of a toxic wife.
5.30am: Husband leaves for London.
7.45am: Filipina brings wife tea in bed.
8am: Nanny takes children to school.
8.30am: Breakfast, suduko and the papers.
9.30am-4pm: God knows; possibly gym, spa, shopping, boozy lunch with friends, nap or massage.
4pm: Nanny collects children from school.
5.30pm: Nanny gives children tea and goes home.
7pm: Filipina gives children bath.
7.30pm: Wife disappears off to book group.
9pm: Husband returns and roots around for an M&S ready-meal.
10.30pm: Wife returns. Bed.
10.35pm: Sex? In your dreams.
If the above timetable seems hideously parasitic, it is, and so is the woman behind it. The other day I nervously accepted an invitation for lunch with an old school friend. I felt daunted because, several years ago, she married a rich banker and I’d been dumped from her circle.
Sorry I’m late, I said on arriving at her mansion. Got stuck in traffic so bad it gave me road rage.
Road rage? replied Olivia, her eyes swivelling down to my shoes and up to my hair in a split, judgmental second. Well, I’m suffering from maid rage. I mean, come and look…
She led me into her kitchen, three times the size of my flat, and slid open a drawer. How shoddy is that? She was holding up a fork.
What’s wrong with it? I asked, peering at it politely.
Just look! It has a disgusting piece of encrusted mashed potato on it. I mean, it’s so shoddy! She can’t even unload a dishwasher. I’m really going to have to sack her. And guess what else I discovered this morning? When I opened the towel cupboard after my bath, I noticed that she’d stacked the pink towels amongst the white ones.
Can you believe it?
What made this conversation so scary was the fact that the terrified Filipina was in the room with us, hunched over a table slicing up bits of duck and foie gras for our lunch. Juanita! snapped Olivia. This is your last chance. Do you understand me? You’ll be back in Manila within the week… I couldn’t possibly recommend you to anyone. Understand?
Yes Madam, she sniffed with a tremulous sob.
And stop dripping your revolting bodily fluids over our lunch. Throw that away and start again.
Horrified by her manner and the distressing scene, I asked her for a tour of her home. She had just moved into one of those massive houses in Chelsea Square. Rich folk tolerate people like me (ie, broke ones) only because we make them feel better about themselves.
Would love to, darling, she drawled, but first how about a drinkie-poo? Juanita! Open the champagne chilling in the wine fridge and bring it upstairs to the south drawing-room.
Yes Madam, replied the poor slave.
I won’t have any, thanks, I said. I’m driving and have to pick my children up from school.
You mean you don’t have a nanny to do it? Olivia’s eyes glared with horror. I have the most delightful Norland one. Although the uniform is brown and ghastly, they are so well trained. She’s downstairs in the basement doing my ironing at the moment…
This was now utterly surreal. I had no idea that real people lived like this. Yet, minute by agonising minute, it got worse. I tried a bit of light humour.
Well, let’s hope she’s not weeping tears on to your party dresses, eh?
What? snapped Olivia.
Well, then you’d ask her to redo the whole lot again, wouldn’t you?
Possibly, she replied. But a little moisture is no bad thing when ironing out the creases…
Was she exhibiting a dry wit? I didn’t know. In her pre-toxic wife days, she was amusing and droll. Now we were different beings living in parallel universes. She showed me lavish room after lavish room, and at one point I heard some strange shuffling coming from one of her closets. Maybe her life is not so perfect after all, I thought; maybe she has rats.
As we sat down to lunch in the informal dining-room adjacent to the kitchen in an open-plan L-shape, I noticed that Juanita was eating a rather more humble repast slightly around the corner; although I couldn’t see all of her, I could detect an elbow jutting out from time to time.
She won’t be joining us then?
Are you mad? cried Olivia. Why would I want to even see my servants?
As if on cue, a wizened little Filipino man appeared, bowing and scraping. Madam, I have finished all the shoes. I will go now, thank you madam. He hurried out.
See you on Thursday as normal, Pedro, she replied, barely glancing at him.
Where did he spring from? I asked. After all, I’d just endured an exhaustive survey of her house, and there had been no sign of Pedro.
Oh, he’s our shoe polisher. He comes twice a week. He works in a cupboard – probably why you didn’t notice him. No rats after all.
Here was an educated woman who spent her days rotting her brain with alcohol, and bossing an army of staff.
Olivia, I said, don’t you miss your old job, your financial independence? Isn’t all this a bit decadent?
Forget the work ethic, she laughed. Why on earth would I want to struggle, feel tired and look old before my time?
I left, more agitated than when I arrived. Forget road rage; I was suffering from toxic-wife rage. Driving to collect my children, the outside world felt like a haven of normality and peace. How I pitied these rich and successful men who had naively hoped for a domestic goddess, only to end up with a diva.
Wake up, toxic wives, the game is over. Your milch cows have seen the light of day. You are toxic, you are trouble and you are about to become extinct.
For some women, marrying a rich guy and then taking him to the cleaners is a lucrative career option. And such women are not exceptions, warns Tara Winter Wilson in an article in the Telegraph, London. Toxic Wives, as she calls them, are just about everywhere and the syndrome is getting much more prevalent.
More young women prefer hanging out at the most happening nightclubs than finding a job after university. A 25-year-old banker observes, “`Just turn up at Mahiki, (the London nightclub frequented by Princes William and Harry) and you’ll find an army of potential TWs… they’re like a gang of seductive, pretty vampires who are sharpening their talons and teeth in a bid to catch a rich husband and then suck him dry of his hard-earned cash. It’s common knowledge now that one of the most lucrative careers a woman can have is to get married, have a child, and get divorced.” Toxic Wives are the ones who emerge triumphant from divorces. They make sure that they get enough money to take care of their expensive lifestyles.As one TW hit man found. The toxicity doesn’t just limit to the husbands, even children are subjected to TW’s behaviour. They are outright rude and insensitive to their child’s need. Money is what drives these heartless vamps.
Source : Beware of the devil woman
Women have suffered shocking inequalities for centuries and continue to be discriminated against. I am all for ensuring equality of opportunity for women. The problem arises when in the garb of compensating for past injustices; new laws are formulated to discriminate against men.
Dowry is a shocking insult to womanhood. But there have been cases where wives have framed husbands and in-laws just to avenge a failing marriage. A wife’s mere complaint is sufficient to put the in-laws behind bars.
It is also common in failing marriages for women to demand large settlements by threatening to file dowry cases. In many cases, the hapless husband helplessly complies.
Recently, courts have postulated that no Indian woman can ever lie about being raped and even in the absence of medical evidence, a woman’s word is sufficient to secure conviction. Recently, newspapers exposed a case in which police had framed a businessman for rape. The complainant, it was found, had consensual sex with another man of the same blood type to frame the businessman.
In middle-class colonies of Delhi, there are instances, however rare, of maid servants extorting money from male employers by screaming rape. In one such case, a 65-year-old man was set free only because he was impotent. Courts must consider the probability of either a man or a woman lying. An accused must be presumed innocent until proven guilty.
The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005 allows a wife a share of the marital home (in case of divorce) even if it is owned by her parents-in-law and not her husband. Why doesn’t the husband get similar rights to the wife’s parental property? The net outcome will be to discourage married sons from staying with elderly parents.
This law makes it a crime to abuse a woman physically, mentally, verbally, emotionally and sexually. While I fully agree that women deserve this protection, do men not deserve similar protection?
Men have a tax exempt income of Rs 1.10 lakh while women get up to Rs 1.45 lakh. Why should a man earning an income of Rs 5 lakh pay more than a woman earning the same?
Similarly, adultery under IPC 497 is a criminal offense for men but not women. The Indian government sent this law for review to the National Council for Women and got back the response that even in cases of a woman committing adultery; she is the victim!
The new system for admission to Delhi nurseries gives 5 extra points to a girl child. Why should a male toddler be discriminated against even when he and the girl come from the same socio-economic background.
In Canada, so much attention was paid to female education and sports that today women significantly outnumber men in many fields of higher education. Sixty percent all new jobs go to women. There is a realisation that intense (and justified) focus on female education has led to boys falling behind and only now correctives are being installed.
Women are our loved mothers, sisters, daughters and wives. Don’t make them the enemy. Gender is an attribute of the body. The Atman is sexless. Have female equality by all means, but don’t start male inequity. Let not the sins of the father be visited upon the son.
Source : All about Eve, but at Adam’s cost ?
Mumbai, March 10: A 35-year-old woman set herself, her boyfriend and her 11-year-old daughter ablaze in her Chembur house on Friday afternoon allegedly because of her paramour’s refusal to marry her. The three have been admitted to Sion hospital and are reported to be out of danger.
The woman, identified as Marium Sheikh, had locked her daughter, Summo, along with her lover, Mohammed Rafiq, 32, in her house at Vashi naka and opened the LPG stove, filling the room with cooking gas. She then lit a matchstick, causing the gas cylinder to blast, injuring the three. Police said Marium, a former bargirl, had been into a relationship with Rafiq for the past few months, but he kept on deferring their marriage, which had angered her.
To persuade him to get married to her, Marium called him inside her house and locked him before turning on the gas stove. But the smell of the gas alerted her neighbours who called the police.
The police reached her house around 1 pm and for about 45 minutes, sub-inspector Vijay Jadhav, along with Marium’s neighbours, persuaded the woman through the window not to light the matchstick. “We engaged her in a conversation through the window, waiting for the gas to diffuse,” said Jadhav, adding that during the discourse, Marium kept reiterating her demand to marry Rafiq and in nervousness, lit the matchstick causing the cylinder to blast.
A constable was also injured in the incident, the police said.
Sources say that Marium used to work at a bar in Dadar when a small-time jeweller from the area fell in love with her and married her a few years ago. Then she separated from her husband and got into an affair with Rafiq, who lived next door.